Best Days of My Life

This post is inspired by Melissa's post over at Dear Baby.  Please read her post; her writing never fails to bring tears to my eyes.

Yesterday we went to Hancock Fabric.  We're making a foldable poker table and hubs needed some felt and vinyl.  We thew caution to the wind and decided not to go to the trouble of getting the stroller out; we would carry the baby and/or let him explore.

A toddler's idea of exploring, as you know, is different from an adult's idea.

I started off carrying Toph and he started squirming to get down.  I put him down and he immediately began to tear through the aisles, no premeditated thought; just running and squealing with delight.

That's when he found the breakable porcelain knick knacks.

No, Toph!  We mustn't touch those.  I made to pick him up.

That was the first of the screaming.

He screeched, he turned, he gyrated, he threw his head back.  He sobbed.

One thing I learned about myself during these episodes is that I will break out into a cold sweat when he starts this up.  That means while I'm wrestling and wrangling an upset toddler, I am also periodically wiping cold perspiration from my brow.  I could do without the extra work.

This happened repeatedly while husband was picking out his materials.  It was during these episodes that I was able to look at myself objectively and think,

 If we can just get through this, he won't be like this forever.

While that thought heartened me and strengthened my resolve, the truth of it slapped me across the face as well.

He won't be like this forever.

No, he won't.  He won't always throw fits.  He won't always be teething.  He won't always chuck his food on the floor.

He won't be like this forever.

He won't always cling tightly to me until he falls asleep.  He won't always kiss me at random and unexpected times.  He won't always squeal with delight when he sees me.  He won't always laugh at my funny faces.

He won't be like this forever.

Like Melissa, I've resolved to always remember that these are the best days of my life.  The days he loves me and Matt more than anyone in the world.  The days he needs us more than any other human.  The days he wants nothing more than to be with us.  These days....these days are the best and no amount of toddlerhood-induced fit throwing can convince me otherwise.

He won't be like this forever and these are the best days of my life.

I'm That Mom

Click here to read my "rockin' the bump" post.

I'm that mom...

the mom whose baby was beautifully jaundiced.

the mom so ridden with anxiety over the jaundice she couldn't sleep.

the mom who would suffer from random bouts of crying.

the mom who refused to go out into public with the baby those first two weeks.

I'm that mom...

the mom who wouldn't let herself sleep that first week home with the babe.

the mom who was scared to give her baby a bath.

the mom who thought the doctors were going to take her baby away because his jaundice wasn't going away.

the mom who felt guilty when she laid the baby down to go to the bathroom or have a bite to eat.

I'm that mom...

the mom who made it sound like peaches and cream on her blog.

the mom who wasn't honest with herself.

the mom who just refused to believe she was suffering from PPD.

I'm that mom...

the mom who sobbed uncontrollably the first day taking him to daycare.

the mom who thought she was a terrible mother because she worked outside the home.

the mom who would pump in the dark at work while crying.

I'm that mom...

the mom who made it through to the other side.

the mom who believes that she is an awesome mom.

the mom who can see that working outside the home is necessary.

the mom who knows you don't have to be a SAHM to be a good mom.

the mom who sees the benefit of daycare.

the mom who realizes in retrospect that she was suffering from PPD and that it's completely okay.

I'm the mom who...

loves her baby so, incredibly much.  A love so big it fills the sky.

Who's with me?

Rule Breakers

Traveling with a toddler. Have you ever done it?

I'm a first timer and I'm here to tell you that it's not the easiest thing to do. In fact, I'll tell you right here and now that I think it's difficult.

It's especially difficult for people like me because my son and I thrive on routine. On the same faces and places. A vacation, while it sounds nice in theory, is the antithesis of the life we lead at home. At home there is a schedule, structure and Toph has got it down so well that he can predict what is coming next.

When things become unpredictable for a toddler, certain family-imposed rules fall by the wayside. In fact, we've become downright rule breakers. Here are some of the rules we have broken during our vacation:

1. Walking around with food. We have no high chair here and our laps just aren't as appealing as some of the other things going on in our host's home. Therefore, Toph gets to walk around with his food from time to time, simply because I'd rather him eat than not eat and sit on our lap.

2. Unabashed pacifier usage. We were really trying to cut down on the pacifier, but all these new stimuli can be too much for him, therefore, since the pacifier makes him feel better, the pacifier he gets.

3. Complete disregard of the bed-time routine. At home, we have a system. Dinner, music and dance party, bath time, book time, nurse time, sleep time. It's a science and the kid has it down. On vacation, we haven't been able to do all those things ever and very seldom has Toph gotten to bed on time.

4. Co-sleeping. When we finally have gotten Toph to sleep, he'll normally sleep until 2:30 and then he'll start to cry. I learned within the first couple of nights that he'll go back to bed quickly if he gets to nurse while laying next to me. I also learned that if I put him back in his crib he will wake up again for round 2, then round 3 and then I start to wonder if I have a newborn. However, if he stays in bed with me, he will go to sleep and stay there until 7am. You win, Toph.

5. Reverting to on-demand nursing at night. Yeah, we haven't done this in months and months. However, if it means a little extra sleep for the both of us, sure Toph, nurse away.

I am not sure how difficult it will be to try and get back in our routine at home. Initially, I was very guilty about breaking all of these rules until I realized...I'm the one who imposed them in the first place. We're on vacation! Things will be different on vacation...it's time to chill out and realize a couple of things:

Is Toph happy?
Is Toph safe?
Is Toph fed?
Is Toph having a good time?

Yes to all the above. So yeah, we're breaking some rules. But we're not breaking any laws and Toph is having a blast meeting new people and seeing new things.

Note to self: chill out and enjoy yourself.

The One Perfect Thing

Have you ever reflected on things in your life and thought, "that could have been better." Or, how about "I could have done that better?"

These thoughts I have on a daily basis, on daily tasks ranging from dinner, cleaning, crafting and phone conversations. I'm always critiquing myself, making mental notes on how to be better.

You want to know the one thing in my entire life that I have looked at and have never, ever, not even for a fraction of a millisecond have critiqued? The one thing that I have thought was perfect and could not get any better from day one?

Toph is honest to goodness the best thing I've ever done. And if you really want to go deep here, he's the only thing I've done that's not a thing. He and Matt are the two things people in my life that I look at and think,

Perfect. I can't believe he's mine.

Do NOT Scold Me in Joann

Dear Meddling Lady in Joanne who thought my child was being ignored,

First of all, how could you?  Don't you realize that Joann is my happy place?  I have no idea how to use 75% of  the things in the store, but I love to meander through the aisles and look.  I often get lost but it's okay.  Time stands still in Joann.

When it was time to check out, you were in front of me and noticed my oh-so-precious baby boy.  He probably proffered you a smile and probably pointed at something in your basket, always a conversation starter. 

I didn't notice you noticing him because I was checking my phone.  I had posted an on the fly bump post on my blog and people loved it.  I felt special and had to respond to everyone right away.

But my kid was not running around, he was not acting a fool.  He was sitting nicely in his stroller, playing with his new book (only $1 folks and it's cute) and basking in your attention.  You see, Meddling Lady, one of the things he inherited from me was his love of attention.  One day he'll grow up and be a blogger as well, I'm sure of it.

So, when he took his sippy cup out of the cupholder and accidentally bumped his chin, it was because he was looking at you and not paying attention to the task at hand.  He's 15 months old and not quite a multitasker.  You'll forgive him that, I'm sure.

You gasped like he had fallen on a bed of nails, which shook me from my reverie.  I looked at my child, slurping his water from the sippy and said, "Good job bud!" 

The thing is, he was doing a good job.  He's recently mastered the art of drinking through a straw, and this is a big deal.  The sippy has a straw and he was going to town on it.  When I told him good job, I meant it.  I wasn't just vacantly praising my child.

But when you, Meddling Lady, decided to get stank with me and tell me that he had just hit his chin with the cup and "I saw the whole thing because I was looking at him," it made me want to...do a lot of things I have deemed inappropriate upon becoming a mother. 

I didn't do any of those things.  I made the comment of how he's easy to look at because he's so cute and that I deduced he was okay given the lack of tears and mark on his chin.  Lucky for everyone involved, it was then your turn in line, and you gave my son one last apologetic look (seriously, lady?) and turned around to pay for your stuff.

M'kay, let's just get one thing straight here.  Please, scold me if my child is a) crying, b) dirty, c) sad, d) covered with bumps.  On the flip side, kindly throw the stank tone out the window if my child is a) smiling b)happy c) clean, d) curious or e) ALL OF THE ABOVE.

Toph was all of the above and is always all of the above.

Source: babybrewing.com via Ginny on Pinterest

Thank you kindly and may we never cross paths at Joann again,
gin

Just Try to Never Grow Up

Watching Toph play and have adventures these past few days of our vacation has been awesome. I find myself having that panicky feeling at times where I think, "This is all just happening too fast." Time feels like sand slipping through my fingers and I just want to cling to it.

Don't you Ever Grow Up by Taylor Swift

Oh darling don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little

Oh darling don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple;

I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let nobody break your heart

And no one will desert you

Just try to never grow up.

Baby boy, you just keep getting bigger and I know you're bound to grow up one day.  But rest assured that in my eyes, you will always be that tiny boy the doctor placed in my arms that sweet morning in March.

One Thing You Neglected To Tell Me

When I was pregnant and during every stage of Toph's life thereafter, people have told me, "Oh, enjoy this. He's going to grow up so fast."

So I have. I've enjoyed. I have held and have clung to moments. To stages of his life. I understand full and well that I won't get these days back and I hold onto them fiercely.

In that same vein, Toph is growing magnificently. He is so tall and so active. He is running, jumping and climbing. He's doing all the things that a boy his age should do and he's doing them well. I look at him and I burst with pride. Today I watched him climb on the oven and while I peeled him off, I silently cheered. Look at what you can do, my boy!

People were right. It's gone by fast. It's gone by in the blink of an eye. However, one of the little tidbits people neglected to tell me was the heart wrenching sadness you feel occasionally over the passage of this time. It'll hit me out of nowhere and I'll have to clutch my chest and exhale at the gravity of it all. My eyes will fill with tears as I replay all the little moments that brought us to now.

When these chest clutching moments occur, I can say without a doubt that they're born out of joy, but I don't feel happy while I'm experiencing them. I feel sad, almost despondent. It's as if the realization of how quickly Toph has grown hits me and for a fleeting moment, I can see just how big he actually will be one day. He's still a baby today. But tomorrow, he'll be grown.

While I don't miss the sleepless nights or the horrible ear infections, I do hope that I did everything I could during that time of our lives to make it better for Toph. I wonder if that's where the sadness comes from; a little gut check to ensure I am doing a good job.

It's a privilege; an honor to be this baby's mama. Even if he won't be little for very much longer, I will always, always be his mama. And he will always, always be my baby.

Source: thepinkinkdoodle.blogspot.com via Ginny on Pinterest

Silent Sunday: What Toph {and I} Have Been Up To

What Can Happen in 3 Minutes...



You know you’re the parent of an active toddler when…

The following things occur in a three minute time span:

You are trying like mad to get dinner made (butternut squash grilled cheese((another blog post in and of itself…so good)) and your baby starts pulling on your legs and whining. You pick him up in order to placate him, when he immediately starts whining and pushing to get down. You put him down and he immediately repeats the whining and pulling. You feed him a couple of bites of squash and since his toys are no longer interesting to him, you give him the nearest non-toy to play with: a closed bottle of allergy pills (don’t trip; it was child proof).

You turn your back for a split second to ensure a sandwich isn’t burning and in an instant, the pill jar is no longer rattling. You turn around and the child has something in his mouth and something in his balled up fist. As you get to him he swallows the unknown substance and you subsequently feel relieved when you realize it was cat food (and not allergy pills) and there is more in his hand, waiting to be ingested. You give him a talking to, saying words like,

NO! Yucky! Spit it out.

You pry the rest of the cat food from his hand (how he got a hold of it is still unbeknownst to you) and put it in the cat bowl (which is high and out of reach). While you are doing this, the child managed to take his diaper off, a new thing he now does simply because he can. As you are bending down to pick him and the diaper off the floor, he starts to pee.

You gasp and turn around, again for a split second, to grab some paper towels. You turn around to see the child splashing, slipping and sliding in the urine, all while completely butt naked.

Fact: A baby can slide on his rear end when the floor is greased with his urine.

At this point, you start to laugh and you notice a beautiful thing: the garage door is opening. Hubs is home.

You tell yourself he can take care of the naked, pee soaked baby. While waiting the couple of seconds for hubs to get in the house, butt naked baby runs to his activity table and instead of doing the activities, he climbs on top of it and proceeds to stand up, butt naked.

This is what your husband sees upon arriving home:

• you holding paper towels, laughing hysterically,
• a urine soaked, butt naked baby standing on an activity table, smiling brilliantly,
• pee streaked across the kitchen floor,
• a dirty diaper on the counter next to dinner prep
• and a sandwich burning on the stove.

Motherhood has taught me that three minutes is a LONG time.

Happy Mother's Day! {A Mama's Manifesto}

Source: littlelovely.typepad.com via Ginny on Pinterest

Happy Mother's Day to my mama, my husband's mama, to your mama and all the mamas who love us and who wiped our noses and changed our diapers and played with us and read to us and who told us the tooth fairy could see our lost tooth glowing amongst the gravel (long story) and who continue to be our mama even though we are mamas now.


"Being a mum is the coolest thing ever." 

Yes, yes it is.  Being Topher's mama has been the most incredible experience of my life. 

Blubbering Mama

I had a blubbering mama moment this weekend.

What's a blubbering mama moment, you ask?  It's one of those moments in motherhood that catch you off guard; those sentimental, sweet moments that you love but would rather have in the comfort of your own home so you can feel free to well, blubber.

I often have these at home and that is just fine but I try to avoid them in public because sobbing in public over seemingly nothing isn't my thing.

Here's how it started:  the fam took a trip to Target.  Daddy and Toph went to look at shirts and I went to look at books.  I found a new book by one of my favorite children's authors, Nancy Tillman.

You should read this post now for reference.  It's short.

Back?  Good, let's continue.  The new book by Ms. Tillman is:

I picked this up and started to read.  I knew it was going to happen before it happened; the quick breathing, the clearing of the throat, the tears welled up in the eyes.  I was physically unable to stop reading though.  I was strong for awhile, Ms. Tillman wasn't going to crack me in the middle of Target; until I got to this line:

"So climb any mountain,

climb up to the sky!

My love will find you,

my love can fly."

At that point, I lost it and cried in Target.  Through teary eyes I found my way to hubs and Toph and proceeded to tell hubs that if I die an untimely death that that book needs to be read at my memorial.  He was quite taken aback but went with it, I think because he really wanted me to quit crying.

Okay, help me out here.  Do you ever have blubbering mama moments?  They don't have to be humiliating like mine.  Share them with me so I know I'm not so totally weird.

Cavities! Tonsils! {Why Self Care Should Never Take a Backseat When You Become A Mama}

My hands used to be soft. Now, they’re scaly and dry. 

 

(This is what I used to use religiously.  It seems I have left the church.)

My hair used to be long. Now it’s short and manageable; good for on the days I have a little guy pulling on my legs. I can simply put the blow-dryer and flat iron away and bust out the mousse. 

Oh, mousse, you are my friend. 

 

My cuticles are cracked.

 

(Oh, Burt's, come save us!)

I am STILL waiting on my desperately needed pedicure.

My husband agreed my eyebrows were about to crawl off, so I managed to get those done last week. But seriously folks, self care has taken a back seat since Toph arrived. Scratch that, not back seat; self care has been put in the trunk of the car, tied up, bound and gagged.

Am I complaining? A little Not one bit. I love that instead of getting my hair done every 12 weeks (seriously, I was that girl) I now play with my guy and use that money on him. I don’t mind that my nails are unpainted and unbuffed; nor do I mind my toes looking like hooves (as my husband so lovingly puts it). I honestly cherish the time I spend with my baby; especially since I’m at work during the day. All this self care stuff; it doesn’t affect my health or my well being. It’s all surface, superficial. And we all know that stuff goes away (for the most part) when you have a baby.

That being said, I recently learned that there is another facet of self care that should never be put off, if you’re a mother of one or a mother of four. That, my friends, is your health. I learned this the hard way over Spring Break. I was catching up on all my put-off doctor’s appointments (so exciting, I know) and I learned that I’ve been letting some things about my health slip.

First of all, I mentioned in last week’s awkward column that I had two cavities; that’s right! Two. One of the reasons, I am sure, is because after the baby was born I didn’t go the dentist at all. But that’s not the biggest reason; the biggest reason is that when faced with the decision of floss or sleep, sleep won every time. When faced with the decision of brushing before work or simply going because I am so behind, simply going won every time.

You’re thinking I’m totally gross right now, aren’t you? That’s okay. I am. But I’m going to get better because no one likes a needle jammed in their cheek and drills in their teeth.

Secondly, you may or may not recall my complete lack of posting during Christmas. I should have been all over it right? It was Toph’s first Christmas! The reason for my lack of posting was because I fell very ill with a terrible case of tonsillitis that almost put me in the hospital. I was mad at the world at that time because nothing could make me feel better and I felt very disconnected from a very special time in my son's life. Anyway, since that bout of tonsillitis, the throat just hasn’t been the same. It has hurt and been swollen chronically since then. I just figured I would live with it because I had no time to visit the doctor, that is, until Spring Break. I had my doctor check it out and she immediately sent me to an ENT because apparently, my tonsils have abscesses.

Totally disgusting, I get it. You probably don’t want to shake my hand anymore, and that’s okay. It's dry and scaly anyway. 

The ENT’s verdict was that I get them removed. I don’t want to do that. The only time I’ve ever been admitted to a hospital was when Toph was born and I’d like for it to stay that way. The ENT did put me on allergy meds which have reduced the problem greatly. I’m looking for second opinions on the surgery because I do not want to spend the first three weeks of summer break laid out because of a tonsillectomy. (Therein lies the vicious cycle of this self-care issue, I’m sure.)

Moral:

 Mamas, you might let your pedicures slip.

You may let those eyebrows go.

Heck, maybe you don’t even put on lotion anymore.
But please, please, please. Keep up with your health. Drills and surgery are no fun.

How to Throw A One Year Old's Birthday Party

Step 1:

Get on Etsy, and order cute things.  *But not too many!*

 High Chair Banner from Any Good Ideas

 Banner from Bekah Jennings

Shirt, bib, hat set by Little One Boutique

Step two:

Make plenty of cupcakes:

{Mostly} Sugar Free Carrot Cake Cupcakes 

(For the Birthday Boy.)

Oreo Cupcakes 

(Um, yes please.  These were divine.)

Chocolate Cream Filled Vanilla Bean Cupcakes  

(Have YOU ever cooked with vanilla bean paste?  You'll never be the same again!)

Blueberry White Chocolate Cupcakes

(These were my absolute favorite.)

Step three:

Plan a menu.  

Since Toph's birthday is the day before the first day of spring, I went with:

Fresh fruit

Crudites

Broccoli and Cauliflower Salad (made by my mama)

Deviled Eggs (made by my mama)

Chicken salad finger sandwiches on rye

Beverages:

Cranberry Punch (recipe given by Lisa)

Coffee Punch

Milk

Apple Juice

Water

Step four:

Decorate!

 Cupcake/crudite table (not pictured: the salad, sandwiches and eggs)

 (Many thanks to Ashley for the exquisite napkin placement.)

Beverage bar.

Step five:

Activities!

We had a photo booth:

 While testing the lighting, take lots of self portraits.  

We got posed photos of all our guests to send as thank-you cards!

Don't worry if the guest of honor wants to quit taking pictures and mingle; it's his party!

We also played "Toph Trivia" and the top three scorers received:

No, not the white boxes; those are the party favors!

See the three frames to the left?  I hand painted and decorated each to use as doorprizes, as well as selected extra cute pictures of the boy.

And, we played yard games:

Not pictured:

All the dads in the group playing a rousing game of ladder ball.  

Step six:

Improvise!

We didn't have a table to sit gifts on, so we wrapped our deep freeze.

Count on us to keep it klassy!

Step seven:

Thank everyone profusely for coming, and let the little guy chill out with his new water table after company leaves:

One last thing:

Shower him with kisses and squeeze him extra tight; he'll only be ONE one year...and you've learned how fast it goes...

Kisses from Gigi

Kisses from mama.