Thursday, August 14, 2008


There have been some things that have occurred recently that have nothing to do with my husband and me, but they have gotten me thinking of the love between a husband and wife. I did some research and pieced together what I believe what love looks like in a loving, nurturing, committed marriage.

"Love is a loaded word in the English language, full of shades and nuances. We use it to refer to everything from the immature warm, fuzzy feelings of affection to an actual commitment borne out by a behavior.
All love begins as a feeling, an amalgamation of pleasurable emotions. Often those feelings never evolve beyond the simple, uncomplicated affection we hold for casual friends and other acquaintances." The love we hold for our spouses is more complex and makes us more vulnerable.
Eventually, the love two spouses have for each other ceases in being a word or even a feeling, and becomes an action. The feeling is understood; and the immature, warm, fuzzy feelings experienced at the beginning of a relationship evolve into an action; the realization of a commitment two people have made to each other.
There comes a time in relationships when saying “I love you” simply isn’t enough; even feeling love for your spouse isn’t enough. As love evolves between man and wife, it becomes an action. At this point, the only way the relationship can be nurtured so that it might thrive is to show your spouse you love them through your actions.
We have all heard the saying that actions speak louder than words. In a mature, loving relationship between two people, that is certainly the case. Our actions that show we love each other require significant work and sacrifice. If we aren’t willing to work or sacrifice for our significant other then we really aren’t ready to take on such a precious and sacred commitment.

Many people may feel love for their spouse and those same people probably say they love their spouse on a daily basis. There comes a time when that’s not enough, when the love between two people needs to be shown through action. If you are able to say you love someone but unable to show it, it’s doubtful you are able to allow your relationship to evolve into the type of relationship that will last. Mature love between two adults is not a feeling, it’s a behavior. It’s an ‘ongoing, self-less commitment demonstrated by specific behaviors’-trust, fidelity and faith, among others.
I strive to show my husband I love him everyday. There are days when I fall short but I have faith enough in him to know that we’ll wake up tomorrow and have another opportunity to show each other. I feel love for him, those warm, fuzzy feelings and I say I love him. However, neither of those things would mean anything to him if I didn’t show him I love him. Not by hugging him or kissing him because to me, those actions are the physical realization of the warm fuzzy feelings. The actions that show spousal love are far more complex, and are seen through sacrifice, commitment, work, trust, loyalty and honor.
To that end, I believe my husband loves me because I have seen it through his actions. He doesn't have to tell me he loves me; his behaviors say it for him.
“Who you are speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you’re saying.” Emerson

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