Monday, November 14, 2011

A Letter of Apology to Our Plasma Screen

Dear 55-inch plasma screen television,

I remember the day you were delivered to our house. Hubs and I burst with pride watching you. You played shows like Weeds and True Blood with a clarity yet to be seen. We were smitten (or hypnotized, hard to tell which).

We marveled at your brightness, the way you would cheerily beep when we turned you on and off, as if saying hello and goodbye. At 55 inches, you were a big girl. I could watch you just as easily while doing the dishes from the kitchen.

When we got you, our son was a mere two months old, a smiling blob that couldn't move. You know all too well now though, that the blob would grow.

And grow he did. He grew to a little boy who terrorized our house, breaking things. But we didn't think it would come to this. We are so sorry.

You see, dear 55 inch plasma screen television, we had no way of knowing he would take his toy golf club and hit you in the face as hard as he could. We had no way of knowing that your screen would shatter in two places. We had no idea the sorrow we would feel when we watched the light leave your screen.

Now, you are a beloved piece of trash that sits behind our love seat. We can't get rid of you and Matt is convinced that if we rub petroleum jelly on you it will fix you. (I wonder at times if he's on crack.) Our new tv just isn't the same, mostly because it's not as big.

Rest assured, Toph watched as I threw his golf clubs outside, proclaiming them to be outside toys forever and ever.  I also called the grandparents who gave him those golf clubs and placed the blame on his golf loving Poppy, who I thought would offer to pay for your repairs.  He just laughed instead and asked if I had learned a lesson.  He has nerve.

We loved you, 55 inch plasma screen television. We are sorry you met such a bitter end and we thank you for not electrocuting our son, as you very well could have.

the girl who sat and stared at you for extended periods of time, usually with a laptop on her lap

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Vicki said...

OMG! I laughed so hard at this! I'm very sorry for your loss!!! :(

City Life to Ranching Wife said...

oh no, Gin!!

Shasta @ intheoldroad said...

OMG, what a shame to lose such an awesome TV...55 incher? But he looks so cute smiling up at you in the picture, lol. Mine did plenty of damage as a toddler too but now he's 16 and the cute look has worn off, ha!

Sharde said...

oh. man.

:( sorry! always something at risk when there's little boys around!
sharde’ @ the style projects

Chrissy @ Boerman Ramblings said...

so sorry but this was funny.. Rest in peace TV!

Christa aka The BabbyMama said...


Might I suggest you submit a photo to the site Sh*t My Kids Ruined?

At least then you'll find heaps of commiseration!

REAL wee golf clubs? Recipe for disaster.

Jessica Renee said...

Oh my goodness, I am feeling your pain! I too have wondered how long our beloved Plasma will last once there's a toddler running around. I guess I gotta love it while I can! So sorry about yours :(

Anonymous said...

Oh man that totally sucks, Gin!! I'm so sorry. I'd mourn the loss with you if I could. We would cry in our ice cream as we watch Netflix on my MacBook. It would make you feel better, I promise. There's nothing that Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey can't fix!

ginger @ literally inspired said...

OH MY GOD! My husband would flip out!!! And it is sad that I am laughing! I am so sorry. I would have screamed and probably thrown Landon out of the house. Maybe y'all can snag one up on black friday : )

I would love for you to come link up at my party I started. It would really mean a lot if you joined me every week : )