Top Ten Life Stories

Mama Kat recently posted her top ten life stories and I just have to copy. I love a good story and these always seem to come up in conversation at the dinner table.

1. The time I practiced driving on the ranch with my dad and sister. It ended with my sister crying hysterically and begging to be let out because "she's going to kill us all!" (My sister's exact words.)

2. I made my sister cry one day and didn't want to get in trouble for it. To distract her, I tried to fart, knowing that would be hilarious to her. Instead, I pooped in my pants, something she found equally hilarious. I was nine, past the acceptable poop in the pants age.

3. I was driving with my mom and momentarily forgot I was driving her automatic truck. I made to switch gears, thinking I was in my stick shift and slammed on the emergency brake. The car came to an immediate halt and my mom screeched, "what are you doing??" She later told me she thought I was having a seizure.

4. Matt and I were practicing dance moves in my room when I was nineteen. He wanted to show me an advanced move where on three I would jump and he would catch me. He said, "one..." and I jumped, belly flopping on the floor.

5. While waiting for our wedding to start, a lady flashed her boobs to our guests. She was on a motor boat and the ceremony faced a lake. I would have punched her in the throat if given the chance but now I'm able to laugh about it.

6. When I was 20, my manager was able to convince me that the movie "Ray" revealed that Ray Charles was actually not blind at all. He told me that Ray was faking the entire time. I responded by saying, "That makes total sense! Who would let a blind man shave his own face?" I then regaled him with a story I saw on 20/20 where Ray Charles was shaving. I remember thinking someone was crazy for letting a blind man put a razor to his face.

I'm gullible.

7. I was sixteen working at Footlocker. A woman came up to me holding a child's shoe and asked, "are these for boys or girls?" I responded, "Oh, they're bisexual." So much for studying that ACT vocab.

8. A bee stung me between my two front teeth in high school after it crawled into my can of Dr. Pepper.

9. I got pecked in the forehead by an ostrich at a drive through zoo. It hurt. I still don't like birds to this day.

10. We were in Sears shopping for appliances after dinner at a Mexican restaurant one night. I discovered the treadmills and starting trying each one out. My stomach didn't like this and I puked all over the neighboring treadmill.