Types of Highway Drivers

This summer, we've spent about 3,000 miles in the car on road-trips. After the first 1,000 miles, one starts to realize that road trips are an excellent way to conduct social experiments. I decided to categorize different drivers that are out there on the road today.

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Consider this my gift to you; to be printed out and used as a reference on your next road-trip. {You're welcome.}

The "I-Have-No-Respect-For-Human-Life" Driver: This driver generally drives one of two cars: super fast sports car or super huge truck with big wheels. This driver will ride your tail no matter how fast you're going and will bully you to switch lanes. This driver will also weave precariously in and out of traffic. You generally pray that a police officer will see them and arrest them for attempted murder, as you are sure that crime is more befitting than "speeding".

The "Sunday" Driver: This driver seems to have forgotten that he or she is on the highway. Driving at a speed no faster than 55mph, they are on a leisurely jaunt and will not be bothered by the line of cars queuing behind them. They are in no rush and don't know why you're in a hurry either. This driver won't typically bother you unless he is in the fast lane and then, he causes you to turn into "I-Have-No-Respect-For-Human-Life" driver.

The "Jerk Face" Driver: This driver seems to have a vendetta against you. Maybe he doesn't like your license plate. Maybe it's the color of your car that irks him. Whatever the case may be, he's out to get you. His favorite pastime is boxing you in behind a slow person and another slow person, making it impossible to pass anyone. He also likes to speed around you to only slow down. He'll do that several times, forcing you to become "I-Have-No-Respect-For-Human-Life" driver.

The "Daydreaming" Driver: This driver's number one priority is not road in front of them. Distracted by rainbows and grassy fields, you're not sure this driver knows what they're doing. You watch as they veer into the shoulder only to overcorrect and veer into oncoming traffic. You become scared to pass them because of their unpredictability, thus becoming the "Sunday" driver.

The "In-Tow" Driver: This driver is in a car that is smaller than the vehicle they are towing. They have politely written "INTOW" on the back window to explain to you why the other car is hanging on to theirs. These drivers range from high speeds to low speeds and the car they are towing seems to have a mind of it's own. This is another car you are very scared to pass but know that you must.  Better to be ahead of an accident than behind it.

The "Who-Renewed-This-Person's-License?" Driver: This driver is usually over the age of 70 and can easily be confused with The "Sunday" driver. However, this driver has the added factor of not being able to make good decisions quickly.  They randomly pull to the side of the road or put their blinker on at strange times.  When they exit, they slow down to about 20mph when they're still a couple of miles away from said exit.  You have conflicted feelings regarding this driver; proud that they're showing their independence but scared that the DMV thinks it's still okay for them to drive.

The "Truck" Driver:  This driver drives a truck for a living.  He brings us our plastic goods, our Little Debbie snacks and our car parts.  Without him, our society would fall flat on it's face.  He's important but he's also kind of...creepy.  When you pass him he makes a point to look down at you, checking you out.  He then probably gets on his radio and tells his buddies ahead of him that you're coming.  While we need him, we also wish he would just look at the road.

The "Psychic" Driver:  This driver has the uncanny ability to recognize when there is an emergency and you need to get somewhere fast.  Instead of being proactive and getting out of your way, this person slows down and makes dumb decisions which result in your turning into "I-Have-No-Respect-For-Human-Life" driver.  This can happen to the best of us when there is blood coming out of their son's ear.

*Note: When there is a bonafide emergency, it's a little more acceptable to weave in and out of traffic.  I know this from experience.