Since When?

Since when do I go 10 days without blogging?

Since my baby got an ear infection (actually, the same one that just won't go away) and a stomach bug on the same day.  A week ago today Matt and I were just now going to bed because we had spent the hours of 1am-4am at the pediatric ER.  That was the stomach bug and possibly a bad reaction to a new antibiotic introduced to fight the ear infection.

This week has been the longest one of my life; as a mother you will do anything to take your child's pain away and when it just seems to linger, it can make you feel out of control, guilty, sad, crazy and angry.  After every bout of vomit, diahrrea, ear pulling and screaming in pain, I just want to stomp into our doctor's office, grab her by the neck and yell, "MAKE HIM BETTER!!!!" (And we all know I am not this type of person, but I am reaching my limit.)  I know that's incredibly unreasonable but the kid isn't getting better.  They told us it could last up to two weeks but seriously.  He's breastfed.  In my mind, that means he should have an immune system of steel.  He won't take solids, and he is just not his normal self.

This is the hard part of being a mom, I know this.  He is totally incapable of making himself feel better and he is incapable of telling us how he feels or what we can do to fix it.  He needs me more than ever, even when it's just so he can scream in my arms or vomit all over me or poop all over me.  One thing I have learned is that as a mother, when your baby is throwing up on you, your first instinct isn't to point the baby in a way so that the vomit won't get on you, the first instinct is to cradle the baby closer to you because you know how bad it feels to throw up.  Ugh!

I just want to take it from him...I'd take all this pain he's going through gladly.  But no one seems to be letting me do that.

I just looked at the monitor while he's sleeping and he just pulled his ear in his sleep.  Hear that? It's my heart, just breaking for him.